Day 9 - Holland to England

Today we awoke to start our UK leg of the journey. We took a morning train to Rotterdam. Rotterdam was like...























...that pretty much it. Rotterdam sucks Balls. No, not the bar, actual Testicacles.




From there we went to the Hook of Holland to catch our ferry. We had many hours to kill, but the sheep there went "mheeee". We tried to eat in a local place but the people inside had tattoos. So we went to another local place with a nice lady who ran the bar. We relaxed. We took it ee-ee-zay. At least it got Jeremy's out of our heads. We saw a very dirty advertisement for iced cream on the way to the immaculate cabin of our ferry. Campion finished his book. We also had Cornish Pasties. These were good.




We looked forward, finally, to a good night of sleep. This is what we got. No, thats a lie. Neither of us slept that well. But we should have.

Dank je wel Lauuwra e Hooland,
Goord e Campijon

Day 8 - Still in Amsterdam.... Dutch people EVERYWHERE

Campion awoke and saw an empty bunk below him. He went to the main hall and saw Gord passed out sitting up. Gord was not well. We decided to check out of the Christian hostel, and check into the OTHER Christian Hostel, after not being able to find the Globe hostel (in the red light district).

At Christian Hostel #2, the following exchange occurred:
Clerk: "This is a Christian Hostel"
Random Tourist: "What?!"
Clerk: "This is a Christian Hostel"
Random Tourist: "...really?"

Anyways, this hostel didn't have a 2am curfew, and did not have a massive JESUS IS OUR LORD in the main hall. So we liked it better.

We had trouble getting a hold of Laura, because the phones were all written in Dutch. Who speaks Dutch, what? So, to kill time, we wandered through a koala infested area (really, we did), and then took a paddleboat ride back to the hostel. On the boats, we tried to run over several ducks, until we realized that it's actually quite easy to kill a duck in a paddleboat. Then we hit a wall while avoiding ducks.




We finally met up with Laura, but Gord, having puked up three bagels, little pieces of rainbow, and all of his energy, decided to nap away the afternoon. While Gord was in sweet sweet napland, Campion and Laura had an aborted game of Jenga. Jenga. J-J-J-Jenga.

After Gord woke up, we went for dinner. That was nothing really big. Good. But not big.

At night we went to Overtube 301, where there was a massive noise band from the UK playing. They had 3 drummers. And a shaggy haired lead singer, who rocked so hard, he rocked his shirt right off. Their lead guitarist also played a song entirely with a drumstick. No, not the chicken, the wooden implement used in drumming drums. Rock on, dude. They were really nice dudes and they were genuinely surprised they got an encore. The encore was not good. But the band, yeah good dudes, nice folks. They thanked us for coming when we were leaving. That got awkward.



That's it for this night. We just went back to Christian Hostel #2 and confessed our sins.

Ave Maria,
Peter, Paul, and Maria

Day 7 - Amsterdam

Today we woke up in Amsterdam. We woke up bright and early to make sure we didn't miss any of the local flavour. People in Amsterdam don't wake up before 11:00. We had little to do. We went to a McDonalds for breakfast and had a surly McDonald's girl. The breakfast was not good. Gord was feeling stuffed up so we went for a walk as we would not meet Laura until 11:30. Gord had to use the bathroom. It cost money.



We went to Dam Square and after a hail of pigeons we met Laura. It was easier than we expected. She spoke Dutch well. But the Dutch, according to Laura, do not agree. We then tried to find a place to stay at a hostel in Jordan. They were booked solid. We went back to the Red Light district to find our other hostel. It was a Christian hostel. Included in the set of rules that we needed to abide by was the fact that we needed to be back before 2:00AM or we would be locked out. This was not good.




The rest of the day went wunderfully. We had a delightful lunch. We then saw the Sissy Boy Homeland. Ah. Home at last.



We also saw where Gord was made. The Oriental Manufacturing Co. They do amazing things with Koreans these days.

After eating some gooey bitterballen in the market, we went for a delightful picnic in Vondel Park with Laura and an authentic Dutchman. It was delicious. No one got vondeled in the park. At least we hope not. Sexy beer.



From there we spent more time looking around. We decided to interrupt Dom's romantic dinner. We went to Dom's and stayed for a while before we went back out. Suffice it to say that we went to several bars and such in the downtown before we headed back for Bible Study. Did you know that JESUS IS OUR LORD? Yeah, who knew! It was very interesting.

Oh, and then Gord puked once, twice, three times a bagel. It was possibly the worst night of his life. Well, that's not true.
Campion was peachy.

Balls,
Campion'n'Gord

Day 6 - Valencia to Hamsterdance

Off to Amsterdam then we went. One chair, two chair, but no bench!
But before we left, we decided to have a sit at a random cafe, where a random American decided to sit with us. He was pleasant. I think his name was Steve. Steve was in the Army. He repaired medical equipment in Qatar. Then we took the metro to the airport.

The flight, like Steve, was quiet and pleasant. Actually, no it wasn't quiet. There was a wailing baby behind us. The spawn of some whiney satan, surely. On the plus side, we got to watch Wild Hogs, which was much much funnier than you'd imagine. You should watch it for the "Doom" joke alone. Granted we didn't see the end, because the airline decided to cut off the movie to make some weird announcement in Dutch.

On the way to Amsterdam, we inadvertently insulted a whole traincar full of locals. Farfenuugen. We also accidentally told an older woman that she was clearly "no sexy."

We checked into the Hotel Sphinx (home of the world's smallest staircase) and then wandered the streets of Amsterdam. Also of note - we were offered weed, room, and cocaine within our first hour of being in Amsterdam. We capped the night off with a couple pints at a nice Irish Pub, and then some drinks at Balls. Yep, Balls.



Farfenugen,
Gordandcampion

Day 5 - Valenthia to...?

After checking out of good ol' Hotel Ibis, we went to the train station to go to Barcelona. However, the following exchange occurred at the information booth:
"Which train should we take to Barcelona?"
"Barcelona? Impossible!"

You see, the droves of tourists who had been tomating were now leaving the city. And there were lineups stretching as far as you can throw a soggy t-shirt.

So while trying to think up a new plan we decided to grab some lunch, where the following exchange occured:
Campion: "I'd like the lasagna"
Waitress: "Si."
(10 minutes later)
(Waitress hands Campion a croissant)
Waitress: "Lasagna"
Campion (under his breath): "Feck."

Eventually we decided to fly straight from Valencia to Amsterdam, so we checked into the Hotel Mediterraneo (home of the world's tiniest elevator) and waited for the next day.

Sha-Bye-Bye.
G and C Music Factory

Day 4 - Valenica to Bunol (TOMATINA! FISHES!!!!)

Hello all,

The day started with Campion being restless and unable to sleep, so he went outside for a walk and met a cat. In the garage. He felt safe.



We then headed down to Estacio del Nord to catch the morning train to Bunol. At the station we ran into some friendly fellow Canadians, Team Canada and the Canadian Ketchup Team. Nice folks. We also met a couple Australians.

At Tomatina we headed down to the square and watched many random Spaniards, tourists, and poorly dressed whores try to take a ham down from a greasy pole. They failed. But Tomatina started anyways and we spent an hour getting crushed, sprayed with hoses and throwing (and getting hit by) the occasional tomato and the very occasional t-shirt. We also probably got peed on. Definitely got peed on.

So Tomatina was awesome, but we had a very unawesome wait for the train and an even more unawesomer train ride back. So we decided to take a siesta. It lasted 6 hours. We got up and hurt.




Then it was off to the fun and fashionable Carmen district of Valencia. We had some good beers aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand some excellent shwarma like foodstuffs, which surprisingly tasted EXACTLY like hotdogs. And then we peed on a wall. All in all an amazing day/night.







Fare well gentle reader.
Fishes, man.

NB - Photos will be added at some point. Whenever we get them off our cameratorss.

Day 2 - Buffalo to Philadelphia to Barcelona

Today we woke up and we were hungry. We went to the resteraunt in the lobby, but the buffet was only yogurt and boiled eggs. Yuck. We then went to McDonald´s. Gord had an egg McMuffin and Campion had a Big Breakfast but the english muffins were biscuits. Yuck. He also had a Powerade. There was also a deal for 5 Big Macs for $5. Awesome.

We got a airport shuttle with a man who thought that we should move to the city of Alberta and work driving trucks for 120 thousand dollars a year. He was dumb. Then we flew to Philly.



At the Philadelphia airport Gord had a soft pretzel. He had been craving one for about two years. It was good. Very good. Campion had a Mega Mug of Magic Hat #9 at a random airport bar. It was even gooder.





We took a moving sidewalk to get to our gate. On it we saw birds. No, not girls, the animals. Actually not real animals, they were silhouettes on the window. There was a Bohemian Waxwing, a pigeon, a puffin, a lark, a chickadee, and a bald eagle... very, very frightening. Galileo, Galileo.

And then we got a glimpse into the future. We saw two older gentlemen who were clearly our future twins. They were bald. But fairly happy. And they were going to Spain.... together.



Until tomorrow, yáll.